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monkey5sOr, signs that I will hate this book.
p. 3, heroine is frantically trying to find a dress (for a blind date), on sale, on her NYC lunch break.
"Unfortunately, the one dress I fell in love with at first sight, a DKNY silk number that was marked down to a ridiculous forty-three bucks, was way too big. No matter how I tried to cinch the waist, it looked like I was wearing a mumu. Empty-handed, I went back to work feeling--for the first time in my life--slightly perturbed that I wasn't twenty pounds heavier."
My reaction? 1. You're not trying very hard to make that dress work. 2. Seriously? Twenty pounds heavier is what you call muumuu sized?
p. 5, she goes downstairs in her apartment building Saturday morning, to find a "monster" blocking the front hall.
"His back was to me, his front facing the window-paneled door. (I guess so he could watch the traffic?) I say it was a he, but that was only a hypothesis. I just could not imagine any self-respecting female-- monster or not-- ever getting as pudgy as this thing was."
My reaction? 1. So, no creature that is not human could EVER have any priorities that do not reflect your human ones? 2. We Will Not Acknowledge the pathetic body-image issues of this woman.
p. 12, she flings herself downstairs to try to save the blind date from the monster, even though she buzzed him in after spending the day isolated in her apartment to avoid the monster. She nearly face-plants on the marble floor, but blind date catches her. And her reaction is?
"He was shorter than me. That was the first thing I noticed. Shorter and fatter than me, with a large head, and small round John Lennon glasses perched low on his long nose. If he had been maybe seven inches taller, I might have been thanking Patience [neighbor/friend who set up blind date], instead of cursing her heartily in my head."
My reaction? Hmm, I think I'm seeing why she's a failure at finding a date on her own.
p. 15, on the subway into work Monday morning, a homeless man steps in front of her and stares at her.
"Now, normally, I would just throw some change a few feet in the other direction, causing a homeless person free-for-all, but this guy didn't even blink when I tossed a handful of quarters at the heavyset Hispanic lady who was taking up the whole row of handicap seats behind me. I felt a little bad about sending Mr. Homeless in her direction, but then I figured she was taking up all the handicap seats so she was fair game."
My reaction? Wow, she's a real asshole. Like, gold-plated. I'm feeling the urge to see awful things happen to this bitch because she's earned all the bad things.
p. 17, she arrives at work and interacts with her boss, Hyacinth.
"She had gone to some hoity-toity party on the Upper East Side the night before, and the hostess had bragged for hours about the organic dim sum she had served, and how Jennifer Aniston only ordered from the place whenever she was in town.
Now I'm no star whore, but even I had to admit that whatever Jennifer Aniston was eating to stay that thin must be worth the rest of us at least trying a taste. So, I couldn't fault Hy for wanting Jennifer Aniston's organic dim sum.
And Hy definitely needed all the diet help she could get. I mean, she did have that glandular problem... or at least that's what she said it was.
Unhappily for me, I was having absolutely no luck, and it was starting to really piss me off. Usually I'm a whiz at finding things on the Internet, but I was starting to get this funny feeling that Hy had made the whole thing up just to screw with my day. She was probably sitting in her office right now, snickering into the nonfat decaf latte I'd gotten her this morning.
Why the woman wanted a nonfat decaf latte was beyond me. The whole office knew it was ordered for appearances only, that she probably dumped the whole thing into the potted plant behind her desk as soon as I had closed her office door in favor of whatever calorie-laden goodies she had stashed in her desk drawer. But hey, I was only her assistant. I didn't care what the hell she did with her coffee."
My reaction? There is NO WAY I am wasting my time on the rest of this 359-page book about this offensive jackass. A character arc that redeems her completely would not be enough to make me care. Back to the library it goes.
p. 3, heroine is frantically trying to find a dress (for a blind date), on sale, on her NYC lunch break.
"Unfortunately, the one dress I fell in love with at first sight, a DKNY silk number that was marked down to a ridiculous forty-three bucks, was way too big. No matter how I tried to cinch the waist, it looked like I was wearing a mumu. Empty-handed, I went back to work feeling--for the first time in my life--slightly perturbed that I wasn't twenty pounds heavier."
My reaction? 1. You're not trying very hard to make that dress work. 2. Seriously? Twenty pounds heavier is what you call muumuu sized?
p. 5, she goes downstairs in her apartment building Saturday morning, to find a "monster" blocking the front hall.
"His back was to me, his front facing the window-paneled door. (I guess so he could watch the traffic?) I say it was a he, but that was only a hypothesis. I just could not imagine any self-respecting female-- monster or not-- ever getting as pudgy as this thing was."
My reaction? 1. So, no creature that is not human could EVER have any priorities that do not reflect your human ones? 2. We Will Not Acknowledge the pathetic body-image issues of this woman.
p. 12, she flings herself downstairs to try to save the blind date from the monster, even though she buzzed him in after spending the day isolated in her apartment to avoid the monster. She nearly face-plants on the marble floor, but blind date catches her. And her reaction is?
"He was shorter than me. That was the first thing I noticed. Shorter and fatter than me, with a large head, and small round John Lennon glasses perched low on his long nose. If he had been maybe seven inches taller, I might have been thanking Patience [neighbor/friend who set up blind date], instead of cursing her heartily in my head."
My reaction? Hmm, I think I'm seeing why she's a failure at finding a date on her own.
p. 15, on the subway into work Monday morning, a homeless man steps in front of her and stares at her.
"Now, normally, I would just throw some change a few feet in the other direction, causing a homeless person free-for-all, but this guy didn't even blink when I tossed a handful of quarters at the heavyset Hispanic lady who was taking up the whole row of handicap seats behind me. I felt a little bad about sending Mr. Homeless in her direction, but then I figured she was taking up all the handicap seats so she was fair game."
My reaction? Wow, she's a real asshole. Like, gold-plated. I'm feeling the urge to see awful things happen to this bitch because she's earned all the bad things.
p. 17, she arrives at work and interacts with her boss, Hyacinth.
"She had gone to some hoity-toity party on the Upper East Side the night before, and the hostess had bragged for hours about the organic dim sum she had served, and how Jennifer Aniston only ordered from the place whenever she was in town.
Now I'm no star whore, but even I had to admit that whatever Jennifer Aniston was eating to stay that thin must be worth the rest of us at least trying a taste. So, I couldn't fault Hy for wanting Jennifer Aniston's organic dim sum.
And Hy definitely needed all the diet help she could get. I mean, she did have that glandular problem... or at least that's what she said it was.
Unhappily for me, I was having absolutely no luck, and it was starting to really piss me off. Usually I'm a whiz at finding things on the Internet, but I was starting to get this funny feeling that Hy had made the whole thing up just to screw with my day. She was probably sitting in her office right now, snickering into the nonfat decaf latte I'd gotten her this morning.
Why the woman wanted a nonfat decaf latte was beyond me. The whole office knew it was ordered for appearances only, that she probably dumped the whole thing into the potted plant behind her desk as soon as I had closed her office door in favor of whatever calorie-laden goodies she had stashed in her desk drawer. But hey, I was only her assistant. I didn't care what the hell she did with her coffee."
My reaction? There is NO WAY I am wasting my time on the rest of this 359-page book about this offensive jackass. A character arc that redeems her completely would not be enough to make me care. Back to the library it goes.
